i cant stand being sober ive been struggling with depression my entire life. ive never known a life without depression. the first time id experimented with drugs and alcohol, it felt like a release and my brain finally went quiet. id take anything to get high. the first time i had a drink i was 13 and i felt like i found the “cure”. it spiraled and i was a full blown alcoholic at 15. my parents found out and i was sober for about a month. since then ive abused everything ive gotten my hands on; taking 600mg of my wellbutrin, taking double the recommended dose of lorazepam, mixing cough syrup with sprite. its fucking embarrassing. recently, ive dabbled with molly. and its the best i ever felt. i cant stop thinking about it and the next time i can take it again. i havent drank in a week i cant stop thinking about it and how much better id be feeling right now if i was plastered. when im sober, which is about one or two days out of the week, im miserable. when im sober i just want to die.…