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What to Say When Someone Has a Miscarriage—And What to Avoid
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What to Say When Someone Has a Miscarriage—And What to Avoid

TIME·Angela Haupt·3 days ago
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Two weeks after losing her baby during pregnancy, Jami Crist sat down in her first therapy session. The therapist asked her questions no one else had: “Was it a boy or a girl? What was her name?” When she was about 14 weeks pregnant, Crist and her husband learned their daughter had a serious condition and they would need to terminate for medical reasons. It would be the first of four pregnancy losses they'd endure in two years. In the days and weeks that followed, the casseroles came. So did the automated registry emails, cheerfully tracking a pregnancy that no longer existed: You're 18 weeks along, here's what to expect! Friends and family said things like “everything happens for a reason” and “at least you know you can get pregnant.” No one used her daughter’s name. No one, until that therapist, treated what had happened as an actual loss instead of a medical event.…

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