As a man, is it okay if I'm not okay? for losing too much hope? All those stupid

failures, liers, frustrated... So painful, I can't really express well in words. I work out, get into my hobbies like playing tcg, drawing, learning something new, trying to make me busy enough to forget those pain. But when I stopped, the pain came back and I felt dying. I have no one to talk with, not going to talk with my parents because they think I'm weak...