Look, let me start by saying that I know this sounds crazy. I don’t know if you have ever been in a situation like this, where you are sort of orbited by madness which seems outside of your control, but it puts me in mind of a giant rotting melon surrounded by buzzing flies. Picture an entire bowl, even, of rank fruit festering on the counter of some stuffy, squalid little room somewhere. That’s how I see it, and I’m the rotting fruit. I have been doing weekly analysis for several years, and I did not share this story for a long time. It seemed too petty and too strange. I had the idea that it wouldn’t be a useful or interesting thing to analyse. I didn’t think I could do much about it beyond trying to ignore it. And I was already doing that. But then, when I did bring it up, it linked back to so much of what we discuss in my sessions. There was my enduring resistance to showing vulnerability. There too, my fear of having this anxiety weaponised against me.…