im so sick of myself i literally cant take it anymore. i genuinely feel like such a slut. all i do all day is fantasize about disgusting things and then cut myself to feel better. im just so tired and i wanna get everything out but it feels so hard to when everything i need to say is so gross and i know that everybody around me would hate me for it. im so dirty and such a freak how is anyone ever supposed to care about me or love me? i get sick thinking of all of the things that ive done to get someone to love me and they still dont, i just end up obsessing over them and then i ruin everything. i really dont know what to do anymore and im considering just saying "fuck it" and talking to old guys on the internet again just to feel something and ease everything thats built up inside me. maybe if im not so lonely anymore ill be happier.