The beauty of live television is that absolutely anything can happen, and nowhere is that more reliably, terrifyingly true than at the Oscars. The Academy Awards like to present themselves as the pinnacle of Hollywood elegance, and yet the ceremony has an almost proud history of producing moments that range from the benignly chaotic like the the *La La Land* / *Moonlight* Best Picture debacle to the genuinely unhinged, like Will Smith walking up on stage and slapping the hell out of Chris Rock in front of every famous person on earth. The point is: Something is always going to happen. This year, however, was a relatively quiet night, the biggest event being the seventh-ever tie in Oscars history for Live-Action Short Film.…