My 8-year-old fell off her bike. Started crying. Old me: “You’re fine! Shake it off!” New me: “That hurt. You’re upset.” The difference is everything.

The Automatic Response

For years, I had the same reaction when my kids got hurt or upset.

“You’re okay! You’re fine! It’s not that bad!”

Automatic. Instant. Well-intentioned.

I thought I was helping them be tough. Resilient. Not dramatic.

I was actually teaching them to ignore their feelings. To mistrust their own experiences. To hide emotions instead of processing them.

The Moment I Realized

My daughter came home from school upset. Another kid had been mean to her.

She started crying. I immediately said, “You’re fine. It’s not a big deal.”

She looked at me and said, “But I’m NOT fine. I’m sad.”

She was right. She wasn’t fine. She was sad. And I was dismissing that.

That’s when I realized: I’d been doing this for years. Brushing off their feelings because I was uncomfortable with emotions.

Why We Do This