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The secret diary of ... opinion polls

Otago Daily Times Online News·Saturday, 16 May 2026·17 days ago
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Talbot Mills A new poll shows support for Christopher Luxon has plummeted beneath the crust of the Earth and is thought to be somewhere between the outer core and inner core. The polling was conducted by Talbot Mills, which also produces internal polls for the Labour Party. Asked to name who they would prefer to be Prime Minister, respondents favoured Chris Hipkins and noted that he has an impish grin but also a steely resolve. They said he would stand up to Trump, and not take any nonsense from Winston. But support for National leader Christopher Luxon has reached a new low. Pollsters engaged the services of geologists to locate his exact subterranean whereabouts. A search party drilled into the thickest part of the Earth’s crust, which lies under the Himalayan mountains. They called out, ‘‘Is there anyone there?’’. But Luxon did not answer. ‘‘The earth’s crust is extremely thin, cold and brittle compared to what lies below it,’’ said pollsters.…

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