im 20 i have nothing, no job, no drivers license, i spent my teen years just surviving and not planning for a future cause i didnt think id be alive. i barely have any friends, one i barely get to talk to cause of timezones and the other treats me awfully. i know people have it worse and im young, but ive been like this for so long i dont think i can get better. im actually pathetic just watching my life and doing anything i can to escape it, rather than trying to fix this mess im in. i think if i got a good life i wouldn't be able to keep it anyway cause my mental health would ruin it. i genuinely dont know what the point of being alive is but i also dont want to hurt the people around me.

being alive is genuinely just prolonging the torture, 99% of my days are bad i dont know why i still stay alive for that 1% i wish i wouldn't. i just want to be at peace.